Racing Against Reality
by I've Perfected Imperfection
Summary: Sometimes we just have to face reality and accept fate. Life isn't a simple game of Mario Karts. We don't get a rematch. We don't get second chances. Well, at least after the love of my life killed herself. - Natsume Hyuuga.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own Gakuen Alice.  
**Warning: **Minor swearing. A tad OOC.

Read. Enjoy. Review.

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**The Epic Diary of Mikan Sakura  
-**_Hold my hand and never let go because it'll be a bumpy road on Rainbow Road.  
-I LOVE __**MARIO KARTS.**_

_**15**__**th**__** June 2010**_

_It's tiring me out. Perfect this, perfect that, perfect everything! I sometimes wish everyone would just zip their lips! Everyone thinks that Natsume and I are the most perfect couple walking on this damn polluted Earth!_

_**16**__**th**__** June 2010**_

_Okay, this is it. I'm so sick and tired of all the expectations every single friggin' person has for _us_, and I'm going to put my foot down and put a stop to all of this crap. And I'm starting to despise Gossip Girl . . . I so do not wear Natsume Hyuuga printed underwears! How dare she blog that!_

_**18**__**th**__** June 2010**_

_I think I've fallen so effin' hard for Natsume. I have to say, him exploding at everyone for their high expectations of us made me fall ever harder for him, especially the part where he tracked down Gossip Girl. Gossip Girl turned out to be Ms. Rufflesquares, the adorable cupcake owner who was 50 years old! For a middle-aged woman who baked scrumptious cupcakes, she sure knew the ways of gossip and teenagers! _

_**19**__**th**__** June 2010 **__I'm literally flying and bubbling with blissful happiness! Natsume asked me out on another date again this month. SMILEY FACE. I love him too much… What to wear? Damn Permy, she keeps borrowing my favourite skirt! That's like Herpes… Jokes… But great news! My dad bought me a new Mario Karts game ever since You-chan broke the disk :(. I SWEAR I WILL BEAT NATSUME IN RAINBOW ROAD!_

_**21**__**st**__** June 2010 **__Ugh! That bas- loser stood me up for _four _hours! Worse, I looked like a lonely cow – cow because I ate a lot whilst waiting for _Romeo_ – who just got stood up by her appallingly handsome boyfriend. Oh how joyous I feel. I want to poke his eyeballs with this pen right now… If only I had the guts to hate him._

"Howdy, Natsume! What's it like to ditch your girlfriend who sat in Gloria Jeans for four hours, waiting for her _punctual _boyfriend? No wait, screw that! You weren't even _punctual_! You probably never stepped off your bed, lazy bum!" Mikan screamed into her Blackberry angrily.

"_Hey, calm down babe," _replied Natsume nonchalantly.

"_Calm down_? You, a betrayer, wants me to bloody _calm down_? You're out of your mind!"

"_Woman, what are you on? Crack?"_

"I'll crack that face of yours if you don't apologise to me _right _now!" Mikan threatened.

"_It's not my fault."_

"Oh yes, it's so not your fault for bailing on your girlfriend who was waiting _patiently _for you for four damn hours!"

"_Look, I said I was sorry," _Natsume sighed tiredly.

"No you did not! I wish I could wipe that annoying smirk off your face, you son of a bum!"

"_Wipe as in kiss?"_

_Beep. Beep. _

Mikan hung up on him mercilessly and threw the phone onto the couch, infuriated with her boyfriend. "Stupid boys," she muttered, "think they know everything." Before she could take her anger out on something else, the sound of boots squeaked the veranda. "Papa!" Mikan yelped, running towards the door. As Mikan opened the door, she saw her dishevelled father standing before her with purple eye bags under his dull brown eyes.

"Mikan? What are you doing here early? I thought you're meant to be with _Hyuuga_," her father said grudgingly. Ever since Mikan's father had caught them making out heatedly on his favourite couch, he began distancing himself from Natsume but still gave him the occasional glare.

"Aah, he was busy so he wasn't able to make it," Mikan lied. _Yeah, busy sleeping under his Harry Potter covers_, Mikan thought sullenly.

He raised an eyebrow at her before shrugging and coming inside. "Well, I'll leave money for you to order pizza. I'll be working in my study room for awhile, so I expect you to avoid disturbing me as much as possible, understand?"

"Pizza? Aw, but we never eat together anymore!" Mikan pouted slightly clinging onto his arm.

Izumi sighed tiredly and gently tore her arms off. "I'm sorry Mikan. We'll eat together tomorrow, I promise."

"Psh, that's what you said last week!" The doubtful look on Mikan's face was clear that he had forgotten his promises.

"Look, I promise, okay? I just need to work on this project. The sooner I finish, the sooner I can make reservations in that Italian restaurant you love so much. We can even play Mario Karts," he promised solemnly.

"You promise?" She raised an eyebrow at him.

He sighed again and mumbled, "Promise."

_**21**__**st**__** June 2010 **__I guess my dad will never get over that 'traumatizing incident' he so coincidentally happened to stumble across upon. Was it me to blame if I forgot my dad was coming home early, let alone wide awake? I just wish he'd accept Natsume as my boyfriend. But right now, I have no right to defend Natsume. Not that I'd want to right now. I'm still angry at him for being such a meanie! But anyways, I can't wait for tomorrow! I haven't eaten with dad or played Mario Karts with him ever since . . . three weeks ago! Wow—_

_Ring. Ring. Ring._

_Thanks for ruining my moment, _Mikan thought sourly.

"Hello?" Mikan answered.

"_Babe."_

"Arsehole," she retorted.

"_Still not over it?" _he asked.

"No, I'm just being mean to you because I'm bored," Mikan snapped.

"_Sarcasm and snappiness doesn't really suit you, you know that?"_

"Lying and breaking promises doesn't really suit you, you know that?" she retorted, "No wait, lying _does _suit you. Breaking promises doesn't."

"_Look, I'm sorry, okay? I just need to talk to you about something," _Natsume muttered.

Mikan's eyes widened, horror-struck that her was-about-to-be-ex-boyfriend managed to apologise _sincerely_. "Er, are you alright, Natsume?" she squeaked.

He groaned and said, _"I knew apologising was a gay thing to do but I really do need to talk to you about something. Look out your window, idiot."_

"Oh my gee. Please don't tell me this is you acting cliché and sappy," Mikan replied as she walked to her window.

_"Shut up." _

Surprisingly, she saw a figure leaning on her mailbox, lazily acknowledging her presence. "Um Natsume, there's a guy out my front yard. What should I do? Kiss him or kick his balls?" she queried.

Mikan heard the chuckle in the other line and he said playfully, _"Kiss him."_

"You know, I will win our next match of Mario Karts!" she declared before dropping her phone onto her bed quietly before stepping onto the ledge of her window dangerously. "Natsume!" she hissed snake-like.

"What on earth are you _doing_?" he asked, incredulous.

"What does it look like, princess? I'm waiting for _it_." As Mikan waited impatiently, she tapped her foot, balancing herself on the window ledge.

He cursed under his breath, his cheeks glowing pink as he said aloud, "Rapunzel, Rapunzel! Let down thy boring brown extensions."

"Why thank you for the flattery, dear Prince," Mikan whispered sarcastically. Hesitantly, she looked down the height distance between her and the unwelcoming ground. "U-um, do you want to catch me?"

"In your dreams, Princess," Natsume said, smirking.

"Oh you're enjoying this aren't you?" she accused him, desperate for any stalling that would stop her from leaping on the ground _inelegantly. _She was sure she wouldn't be able to land on two feet.

Suddenly, Natsume called out, "Mikan, _he's_ right behind you!" Natsume's eyes widened, bottom lip trembling ever-so slightly.

"Ah!" she whimpered and took one last step as realisation hit her. There was no _he _behind her at all! That son of a—

"Ahh!" Mikan screamed covering her eyes frantically, falling to the ground. Luckily, she felt a pair of warm secure hands tighten around her as she landed in his arms. "Idiot, you scared the living daylights out of me! Never, and I repeat this, _never _scare me like that again!" Mikan lightly punched his chest before burying her head in it, breathing in the scent of . . .

"You tried my perfume on, didn't you?" Mikan narrowed her eyes accusingly.

Natsume avoided her eyes as a pink tint coloured his cheeks. _He's so cute!_ Mikan thought.

"I knew it! I knew you were _interested _in Paris Hilton!"

"What the fu—"

Mikan interrupted him and accused him angrily, "Paris Hilton was the one on the cover of the perfume box! Please don't tell me you're going to cheat on me for her!"

"Oh my go—"

Once again she disrupted his profanities. "We're over! We're history!"

"Oi, what's swimming in that little stupid brain of yours? I prefer brunettes more, okay? Calm down woman," Natsume said.

"Oh. What was it you wanted to tell me?" Mikan blinked and smiled innocently, pretending as if nothing happened. Reluctantly, Natsume gently let her on her feet and dusted his hands.

"I'm… In three days, I'm leaving for Gakuen Alice."

"Eh? But that's all the way in _Japan_!" Her vision turned misshaped as her legs buckled from the confusion and anger. Before they knew what was happening, she collapsed to the ground. "N-Natsume, why?" she asked, her voice muffled as she covered her face.

"I'm sorry Mikan. My parents are sending me there because they think I should be more mentally and physically challenged," Natsume explained, crouching down and pulling his girlfriend into a warm, soothing embrace. "Shh, don't cry."

Mikan cried even more, gripping onto his shirt tighter. "P-please don't l-leave m-me! I n-need you!" Without another second wasted, Mikan pulled him closer and kissed him on the lips passionately. Enthusiastically, he kissed her back willingly. A few more seconds before her heart burst, Natsume was the first to stop the kiss.

Panting slightly, he said, "Mikan, run away with me so then both of us won't be yearning for one's existence."

"I-I can't Natsume. W-what about my d-dad? W-what a-about my f-friends?" she whimpered as more warm tears fell out of her glassy brown eyes. Natsume looked heartbroken and torn with indecisiveness clear on his pained face.

"M-Mikan," he muttered. The way his voice trembled the slightest made more tears brim and blur her vision. She could feel the bile in her throat; her heart felt large needles stabbing it endlessly. "I see. If that's what you want, then I'll have to go to Gakuen Alice." Natsume covered his eyes with his scruffy bangs, intentionally hiding the glazed expression he held.

"N-Natsume, I really want to run away with you, b-but I can't! I can't leave my dad here alone and I can't bear to leave my friends!" Mikan reasoned.

"I understand that Mikan. Stop crying will you?" Swiftly, he wiped the untouched tears off her face with his thumb and pulled her into one last hug. Stroking her hair, he whispered, "No matter what, you'll always be the one, Mikan."

_**21**__**st**__** June 2010**_

_I couldn't believe it. He was leaving me. Natsume Hyuuga was leaving me in three short days that were soon to come. Fate is cruel. I was so stupid, venting my anger on him when I should've spent the most I can before the deadliest of all deadlines. On the 24__th__ of June 2010, Natsume would be leaving me in Australia for Japan. Life is cruel. After all these years of dating him, I had dreamed countless fantasies of Natsume going on his knee, pulling out a ring. But was I going to get it? No. No more competitions or any games of Mario Kart. Nothing at all to rely on. Love is cruel. _

_**24**__**th**__** June 2010**_

_It was time . . . Time for Natsume to leave me all alone in desertion. Everyone was leaving me! Mama left Dad and I, Hotaru left me, now Natsume? I don't know if I can handle this. I hate—_

Mikan had no courage to continue writing as tears began falling down once again on the worn out diary. "H-he's really l-leaving . . ."

_Knock knock._

"Mikan, _Hyuuga's _waiting at the door. You should clean yourself up," Izumi announced reluctantly, oblivious to the tears that fell soundlessly.

"Y-yes Papa, I'll be on my way down," Mikan said, hiccupping.

"Are you alright?" he asked, concerned for his daughter's well-being.

"Y-yeah, I just had a t-tough night," I assured him, although a tear fell on the ground, unnoticed.

"Hmm, okay. Don't forget we're having dinner at _La Belle _like you wished for." With that, he walked away.

"Shit," she cursed under her breath, completely forgetting the fact that she had forgotten their dinner out. Running down the stairs, she stopped at the sight of her father and boyfriend conversing.

"I expect you to keep her safe and happy," Mikan's father scolded sternly.

"Yes sir."

The sound of Natsume's voice broke Mikan's reverie as she recalled an unwanted memory. Suddenly, she fell to the tiles and started sobbing hysterics. She felt her heart being ripped out. As darkness was on the edge of overwhelming her, the last thing she heard was like a lullaby to her ear.

"_Mikan!"_

It felt nice. It felt nice hearing the concern and love both equally laced in his voice . . .

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Mikan woke up to the sounds of a guitar being strummed melodiously with a man's voice humming gently along with it. Blinking to clear her vision, she spoke, "N-Natsume? What are you doing h-here?"

"I thought you'd want to say goodbye."

Mikan's eyes turned glazed once again, tears threatening to fall. _No, I have to stop being such a damsel-in-distress and stop this crying shit, _she thought grimly.

"Don't cry, I didn't mean to say that," Natsume whispered pulling her closer to him.

"I know," she said, inhaling his heavenly scent of—

"Still using my strawberry vanilla perfume?" Mikan chuckled in amusement weaving her fingers into his. He shrugged and said, "It smells good."

"You mean _I _smell good," she teased, sticking her tongue out even though Mikan could feel tears stinging her eyes. He smirked and challenged, "One last game of Mario Karts?"

"Winner gets to decide the prize then," Mikan offered.

"Deal."

**20 Minutes Later**

"That's not fair! You cheated!" Mikan screamed, gripping onto the controller harder than necessary.

"No, you're just slow," Natsume said, rolling his crimson eyes.

"Whatever! Rematch!" she declared.

"This is the tenth rematch, idiot. And it's time I left; my flight is in three hours. I still need to bid goodbye to my other friends."

"B-but! One last g-game, N-Natsume!" she begged, arms trembling in fright. He sighed and raked a hand in his black midnight hair. "Is it just me or do I have a feeling you're trying to stall reality, Mikan?"

"I'm not trying to stall anything! Just one last game! Please!"

"Okay, okay."

**10 Minutes Later**

"O-one more g-game?"

"No," Natsume answered firmly, putting the blue controller down. "Mikan, I know what you're trying to do."

"Yeah, trying to spend time with my boyfriend who's about to leave me for some stupid boarding school," Mikan threw back.

Surprisingly, Natsume barked, "Enough!" Mikan cringed from his expression; disappointment and frustration written all over his face.

"H-hey, don't g-get angry!"

"I'm trying to be patient with you, Mikan!" he argued.

"By _constantly _reminding me your leaving me here in this country all alone?" she challenged.

"You _know _it's not like that! I have no other choice! I offered the choice of eloping together, but I understand the fact that you'll miss your family and friends. What about me? _I'll be the one alone, Mikan_, not you. _I'll be the one away from my family and friends_, not you."

"I—" she starting speaking, but Natsume interrupted her.

"You _won't _be alone. You have your dad and your friends. I can always visit you."

"But—"

"Stop trying to race against reality, Mikan. Life isn't some game of Mario Karts where you race the thing you don't want to lose against. You have to accept reality sometimes. It's no use running away; you'll just get hurt more."

"I-I'm so sorry, I don't k-know what came over me!" Mikan looked at the ground, ashamed of herself.

"It's fine, idiot. Just stop stressing over this, okay? I'll visit you in the holidays, so wait for me." When she thought she could do nothing to avoid facing the truth, she nodded numbly and stared into his blood red eyes that expressed love, regret, and passion.

"I love you," she whispered and fainted.

**24****th**** June 2010 **

_I hate— I hate facing reality sometimes. But for Natsume, I'm willing to push myself in front of a bullet for him. It's just the obstacles of love that come our way that disrupt the cycle of love. No wait, they're not disrupting obstacles. They're part of life and love altogether. I just wish I was strong enough to face reality fully. _

Waking up, Mikan blinked hazily as she took in her surroundings. "Natsume!" Her hands flew to her cheeks, worried. Mikan glanced at the time as it read _6.40 PM_. "Oh no! His flight is . . ." her voice trailed off, her eyes turned blank, and her lips quivered. "H-he's gone."

She fell to her knees, and sobbed hard into her bed covers. After a few minutes passed, Mikan struggled to get up with the support of her bed. Walking out her room, a little note caught her eye. Cautiously, Mikan picked it up and read it in astonishment.

_Dear Idiot,_

_The truth is I never loved you. I hated you so much, you are my bitch and don't you ever forget that. I never cared about you and I never wanted to talk to you. You really have no clue how much I hate you. Now that I'm leaving I thought you should know that I hate you, bitch. You never did the right thing, and you were never there. I didn't think I could hate someone as much as I hate you. I never want to see you, for the rest of my life, I will never miss kissing you like before, I never want to cuddle up, how we used to. I will not miss you and that's a promise. You never had my love, and I want you to remember that. Bitch, you keep this letter because this may be the last thing you have from me. I hate you so much. I will not talk to you soon bitch... Goodbye._

_Natsume Hyuuga._

That was it. This was the last straw Mikan could ever manage. Angrily, she crumpled the piece of paper and threw it on the carpet. "I hate you Natsume Hyuuga!" she screamed, slowly sliding to the ground as hot tears fell down her tear-stricken face. "I can't believe I l-loved that a-arsehole!" Mikan crawled weakly onto her bed, screaming in her white fluffy pillow. She felt as if – not just her heart – her whole meaning of life was just ripped out of her senselessly.

_Knock knock._

"Don't come in!" Mikan shouted.

"Mikan…"

"I told you _not to come in_!" she screeched, her aura murderous as she glared at the man before her.

"You should… You should let Hyuuga go," Izumi whispered, his eyes reflecting pain as he stared at his daughter's shaken appearance.

"He lied to me! He's such a fu—"

"May I remind you, crying will get you _nowhere _in life or love." With that, he slammed the door and simply walked away from the girl who needed someone to comfort her in her despair. And he had just slammed the door on her and walked away from her life. Mikan stepped off the bed, gingerly cuddling herself and chanting soothingly, "It'll be alright Mikan. This'll all be over!" She felt somewhat betrayed. Hotaru had deserted her for a different school that offered more "education". Natsume had left her, including the fact he had just punched a hole to her heart. Not that there was anything left in her. And her father had just walked away with his back to her when she yearned for someone to lean onto.

Suddenly, she noticed another piece of paper that lay on the ground with _his _handwriting on it. As she blushed furiously, she grabbed it and started reading.

_I'm… I'm sorry. _

Hate = Love  
Never = Always  
Bitch = Baby  
Will not = Will

_I hope you can solve my horrible letter properly. I didn't want your father to read it, so I wanted to switch the words a bit._

_Natsume Hyuuga_

Mikan hurried to the crumpled piece of paper that laid on the floor. Desperately unfolding it neatly, she reread the note again, but this time carefully.

_Dear Idiot,_

_The truth is I **always **loved you. I **loved** you so much, you are my **baby** and don't you ever forget that. I **always **cared about you and I **always** wanted to talk to you. You really have no clue how much I** love** you. Now that I'm leaving I thought you should know that I **love **you, **baby**. You **always** did the right thing, and you were **always** there. I didn't think I could **love **someone as much as I **love** you. I **always** want to see you, for the rest of my life, I will **always** miss kissing you like before, I **always **want to cuddle up, how we used to. I **will** miss you and that's a promise. You **always** had my love, and I want you to remember that. **Baby**, you keep this letter because this may be the last thing you have from me. I **love** you so much. I **will **talk to you soon **baby**... Goodbye._

_Natsume Hyuuga._

_Ring. Ring. Ri—_

"Hello?" Mikan sniffled.

"_Mikan," _a familiar voice said on the other line.

"H-Hotaru?"

"_Turn on the television to channel nine, now," _Hotaru demanded fiercely.

"Eh? But why—"

"_Just do it._"

Obediently following her best friend's orders, Mikan obliged to opening the television to the allocated channel. Her eyes widened at the sight of a tragic plane crash.

"_We apologise sincerely to all those families and loved ones of the victims who died in the plane crash. This flight was 1-80 and over 47 school boys had died in the crash. Rescuers are desperately seeking any survivors. Flight 1-80 was on its way to the prestigious boarding school, Gakuen Alice. The people who died in this plane will be remembered forever," the reporter said, pity shown in her eyes._

"Natsume . . . tell me this isn't true . . . Natsume," Mikan whispered to herself quietly, salty tears trickled down her red flustered cheeks. She couldn't bear to look at the television screen anymore. She couldn't handle hearing about it.

Swiftly, Mikan grabbed the untouched remote and hurried for the red button. As she stood up, she threw the remote on the wall roughly before collapsing on the couch, mumbling incoherent words of comfort.

"_Mikan, are you still there?" _Hotaru's voice still lingered in the room as the phone was left forgotten.

Mikan ignored the calls of Hotaru, eyeing the kitchen drawer. "N-Natsume . . . If you're gone, then I'll be gone with you too." Slowly she stood up and opened the kitchen drawer that showed forks, spoons and _sharp knives_.

"Wait for me."

**1 Day Later.**

"_Hey Mikan, no one answered the phone so I guess you must be busy. I missed my flight and well, let's just say I'm lucky to be alive all because of you and your endless pleading of Mario Karts. I'm staying for good. Oh yeah, by the way. This is Natsume."_

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"_The daughter of Izumi Sakura, the board director of Pichi-toys__, recently suicided in her own residence, for reasons personal and unknown. She was found dead in her kitchen on the 25th of June, a day later of her suicide. The heir to Pichi-toys will now be taken into Hotaru Imai's hands. As Mikan Sakura suicided, there was a note stuck purposely on her hand..."_

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_Wait for me,_

_**MS.**_

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_You be my princess  
And I'll be your toad  
I'll follow behind you  
On rainbow road  
Protect you from red shells  
Wherever we go  
I promise. _

_No one will touch us_  
_If we pick up a star_  
_And if you spin out_  
_You can ride in my car_  
_When we slide together_  
_We generate sparks_  
_In our wheels and our hearts_

_The finish line_  
_Is just around the bend_  
_I'll pause this game_  
_So our love will never end_  
_Let's go again_

_The blue shell is coming_  
_So I'll go ahead_  
_If you hang behind_  
_It'll hit me instead_  
_But never look back_  
_Cause I'm down but not dead_  
_I'll catch up to you_

_Don't worry about_  
_Bowser or DK_  
_Just eat this glowing mushroom_  
_And they'll all fade away_

_The finish line_  
_Is just around the bend_  
_I'll pause this game_  
_So our love will never end_  
_Let's go again_

_The finish line_  
_Is just around the bend_  
_I'll pause this game_  
_So our love will never end_  
_Let's go again_

_To the mushroom cup_  
_And the flower cup_  
_And the star cup_  
_And the reverse cup_

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**REVISED! though mistakes may still be spotted.**

**O-kay. I got the idea from my friend from Tumblr. :) I do not own Gakuen Alice or anything like that. I recommend you to listen to Mario Kart Love Song on Youtube, it's sweet (:. Sorry for the swear words? And I didn't make up that letter that Natsume had written. If you didn't get the ending, Mikan killed herself thinking Natsume died after she understood the whole concept of the letter thingo, and Natsume was late for his flight because Mikan kept begging him for another rematch. And that's Natsume leaving a message. (: I was too chicken to describe the suicide, so sorry. Sorry if you spot any mistakes, I just woke up from my nap and I have a project to do now (: SCHOOL HOLIDAYS STARTED YESTERDAY, WHOOP! Thanks,**

**~Joy. **


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